Winter 2022 Newsletter
Welcome to the Winter edition of my Well Being Newsletter!
This year I had to forgo the Autumn newsletter so here is the Winter one instead.
Life always seems to be moving so fast with thoughts of Christmas only a few weeks away now.
Covid 19 is also still out there, and I feel there are a few worries from people when we are going into winter and more changes for bugs, illnesses and possibly Covid in the mix too.
If you are struggling with stress around any of these issues, do get in touch with me and see if I can maybe help take some of the pressures of by discussing these issues and helping you find possible solutions as well as coping strategies.
This year’s therapy has been around issues to do with stress/burn out, grief, self-confidence, depression, anxiety, trauma and communication difficulties. Seeing individuals as well as couples there are some issues that seem to affect most of my clients usually around not wanting to burden others with their worries, feeling like a failure by seeking help, and maybe feeling they ‘should’ be able to handle all problems on their own.
These are very serious misconceptions and in sessions we spend time looking at what these ‘shoulds’ are for each person and how it can affect their life. It is surprising how, as children, we often pick up these ‘shoulds’ from others, like parents, teachers, significant others.
As an example, if we feel we ‘should’ always be working hard and time relaxing and unwinding is not what you are ‘supposed to be doing’ this can have a very adverse effect on your mental health. This constant drive, need to ‘do things’ is not healthy as our mind and our body need time to re energise and have time out. And this constant ‘I should be working/doing something’ can create resentment as well as complete burn out for a person. We are human and our bodies and brains need time to reflect and rest. So if this is one of your ‘shoulds’ please look at how your life is and where you are not putting boundaries in for time to reflect and relax. Also, think about what is the reason you ‘need’ to do this? Whose voice is telling you to do this? When you are sitting down relaxing, what words do you hear? Or maybe you feel you need to please others before yourself? Just some questions for you to reflect upon.
On to other news. My booking online ability on my website has been removed. As a counsellor I decided it is important to have a brief chat with each possible client on the phone before meeting them for the first session. This will help build the relationship from the start and helps us to find out if we are a good ‘fit’. So prebooking appointments does not really work for this kind of business so to book you can email, text or call me.
Are you frustrated by your child’s behaviour? Do you feel they never listen to you or do what you ask them to do? If not punishment how can we use discipline our children in a way that does not hurt or harm them mentally or physically and will actually help them to learn and understand responsibility? You will be surprised by how by changing several things it can make a massive difference and you can enjoy a good relationship with your children.
So if you a parent, foster parent, grandparent, teacher or somebody who deals with children, a course on how to help you with Effective parenting knowledge, tools, answers, examples and reflection as well as exercises to make changes are all in my online course called Effective Parenting. The aim is to go ‘live’ in January. There are 8 chapters each with modules. It will cover parenting styles, communication, listening, self care, building self esteem and confidence in your children, problem solving, positive discipline, goals of misbehaviour, effective discipline. There are audios and videos and quizzes to help your knowledge on how to parent more effectively. Parenting is the hardest job we will ever do, so give yourself as much help as you can.
I have dealt with many parents and varying issues in creating a better relationship between them and their children and I felt an online course may help others who would like to learn more too. If this is of interest to you, please keep an eye out on your email as there will be a special half price offer when this course initially launches.
If you worry you may miss it, email or text me to go on my waiting list so you can be the first to hear about it and take advantage of the special offer.
My Christmas opening hours are
Week of 19 december usual hours of 9am-6pm Mondays and Tuesdays, from 2pm-7pm on Wednesday and Thursday. I do often see clients in the evenings or sometimes on a Saturday outside these hours if it suits clients better.
I will be closed on Monday 26th December and Tuesday 27th December and re open as normal for the rest of the week. I will also be closed Monday 2nd January 2023 and normal hours for the remainder of the week.
Please keep an eye on my website as well as my Facebook page as I am there supporting you as much as I can. Like my page or share with others on:
In this newsletter I want to focus on life challenges and why some people may not be able to deal with them well.
Why Can’t You Face Life Challenges?
It is often said that life is synopses with challenges. If everything were black and white and went how we expected it to turn out, would it be worth living? You may find it difficult to see the bright side of things, and challenges may become too difficult to bear or handle. There’s a variety of different reasons you may have to choose not to deal with them, especially if they are traumatic or painful.
You may be dealing with denial or charting on territory not yet traveled by your family. The biggest thing to remember is there is no wrong answer to a life equation. And by viewing everything as an opportunity to learn and grow, these challenges that are viewed negatively will become growth opportunities that, although difficult, they are worth it to your overall development.
By creating a moral code and a lens to view situations under, you can better direct your life into something you want and travel towards.
Living In Denial
The idea of living in denial and denying a situation is what we mean when we say we aren’t dealing with life challenges. This becomes a problem when it starts to pile up, and it builds on to this harmful habit. To counter this negative habit, we have to replace it with a positive one. It may not come naturally at first as we have to unlearn old behaviors and learn new, and if you find it incredibly tricky, perhaps enlist the help of a therapist or friend.
Changing Your Perception On Life
The most significant component and overall theme of facing life challenges is your perception of life. In short, you need to change the way you view life and the situations at hand.
Strategies To Deal with Life Challenges
- View life how it is presented to you
Rather than viewing it as how you wish it would be. View it from the perception of how it is. Unrealistic exceptions and denial can stop you from making progress. To find a solution, you must first accept a mistake.
- Embrace how it is while you work towards bettering it for yourself
Going in line with viewing it how it is rather than sulk in it welcomes the difference. Just because life doesn’t turn out how you thought it would, it doesn’t mean that you should give up on it—accepting how it does not equate to giving up on creating a better life for yourself.
- Take Your Time
The idea of instant gratification seems to become more and more common. Perhaps there is profitability in getting people to act fast and act compulsively. When you put the amount of time we have in life into perspective, you have a lot more than what society chooses to believe.
Life is built on a collection of knowledge over time. Making money, learning new things, trying new things, etc. are not linear. There isn’t a correct formula. You can take your time, figure out what you want in life, and then go back to your goals later when you can act on them.
- Stay Close To Your Feelings and Practice Gratitude
Know how you feel about certain situations. Keep a log if you need to. Feelings and emotions will help you determine when you are on a correct path for yourself. By understanding what you like and dislike, you can better mold what you would like to learn in the future.
- Accept Failure A Part Of The Journey
Understand that failure will happen and don’t be afraid to learn from it. Just because you fail once does not mean you will never succeed; it just means that perhaps you should alter how you do something.
Once you get a handle on facing life challenges, they will no longer control you. Instead, you will embrace them as they are a product of life.
The most common way people ‘give’ up their power is by thinking they don’t have any – Alice Walker
Continue to keep safe everybody and I hope you all have a happy and healthy Christmas and New Year.