Spring 2024 Newsletter

Spring 2024 Newsletter

Spring 2024 Newsletter

www.mirellafoxcounselling.co.uk

T: 07934 922563, Email: info@mirellafoxcounselling.co.uk

Welcome to the Spring edition of my Well Being Newsletter!

Winter is over and it seems the sunshine is back sometimes! Still some rain has been seen too, but the clocks have changed and the longer hours are on the way.

What is happening in the counselling room this month?

The last couple of months have seem to be on the topics of overwhelm, boundaries, intrusive thoughts, imposter syndrome, anxiety and parenting concerns.

It is not possible to go into all of the issues but for this newsletter I will focus on overwhelm and boundaries as the two are linked.

Overwhelm can occur when you do not have set boundaries. Sometimes this can be due to the fact you may be a people pleaser at heart. People pleaser sounds like you may be the giving kind who would do anything to help another, however this can also be a cause for overwhelm or how others breach your boundaries.

On the topic of boundaries.

Boundaries show where one thing ends and another begins. Boundaries in a relationship are kind of like this; they help each person figure out where one person ends and the other begins. In short, boundaries help you define what you are comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others.

As an example Mary’s friend Diana is asking her to look after her 6 year old daughter after school for a couple of hours whilst Diana runs some errands. Mary’s immediate reaction is ‘Of course I can help’ which is what she tells Diana who is very grateful and thanks her profusely. Mary’s initial feeling is wow, that feels great to be able to help. But after a little while she realises she did have other plans for after school and realises she has to cancel her own plans to help her friend. Her feelings change from happiness at being able to help to some anger and frustration with herself. If she had only been able to say no she would not be feeling like this now.

Diana’s has overstepped the boundary, but Mary has let this happen as to say no would maybe ‘not make her a good friend’, ‘would make her not being liked’, and as a result Diana may not want to be her friend anymore.

These are all in Mary’s head as she struggles with holding a boundary and saying no. This is important to maintain as you need to look after yourself and your own priorities. Many people may put their needs last and after seeing to all others. This builds anger and resentment as well as frustration. Think about your own boundaries and where they sit. What are YOUR priorities? Before saying yes to somebody think about what is important to you and if saying yes would step on your boundaries. If so, saying no is important.

If we have difficulty doing this overwhelm can be the next issue we may have to deal with. Always saying yes can make us feel overwhelmed and this can lead to depression, lack of motivation or a complete lack of energy. I have put an article below about boundaries, I hope it may help.

My school for online courses is growing, so do check it out on the link below. There is one free course at the moment, by using the code Special50 you can have a discount of 50% on all the current paid for courses. The special will finish on the last day of June, so do check it out and get some high-quality mental health sources written by me.

https://mirella-s-school101.thinkific.com/collections

It is important if you are struggling with your mental health to make contact with a professional. Talking with a stranger, in a calm, confidential, safe space who has no judgments can be life changing. If it is an emergency please contact your GP or their out of hours number so you can access help and support right away.

Keep an eye out for the Summer Newsletter as a special offer for counselling sessions may be re-introduced in July and August.

Please keep an eye on my website as well as my Facebook page as I am there supporting you as much as I can. Like my page or share with others on:

https://www.facebook.com/adleriancounselling/?ref=bookmarks

Just another reminder of my usual opening hours, these are the hours for reaching me. If I don’t answer the phone, I am with a client, so please do leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Monday 8am-6pm

Tuesday 8am-6pm

Wednesday 3pm-7pm

Thursday 3pm-6pm

Friday 3pm-5pm

There will be two bank holidays in May so I will be closed on both of these which are Monday 6th May and Monday 27th May.

There always is some limited availability on a Saturday which may suit clients.

Client have been recommending book, podcasts, websites to me for awhile and I have been wanting to make a resource library of these, so I have added a list of my resources to my website on various topics. If you have any suggestions which may help and support others please email me at info@mirellafoxcounselling.co.uk.

Do check it these out here:

https://www.mirellafoxcounselling.co.uk/my-resources/

Good Mental Health: Setting Boundaries Can Save Your Mind

Your friends and family very likely hold a place for you when you need to vent. You likely do the same in return. Sometimes, we do it when we’re not in a position to offer good advice because we’re not in a good headspace ourselves.

That’s what family and friendship look like. You often worry about turning them away because they might think you don’t care. I’m not just talking about sitting down and offering them a shoulder to lean on when they’re going through turbulent times. I’m talking about going out of your way to pick their kids up in a pinch. Or, babysitting even though you have a million things on your plate. Maybe it’s having them over for dinner and being unable to get rid of them after hours.

Boundary Setting

It’s that type of thing that highlights the importance of setting boundaries. That isn’t to say you shouldn’t pick someone’s kids up if they’re in a bind. It’s more about understanding your limits, drawing a line in the sand, and sticking to it. You want to be able to help the people you love, but you can’t do that if you’re struggling to keep your head above water.

Setting boundaries is a key aspect of looking after your mental health. If you don’t set them, you end up doing lots of things for other people, sacrificing your time and energy, when you have other things to do. It’s worked for you so far, though, so why is it so bad?

It’s going to impact your relationships. It might not have impacted them yet, but it eventually will. When you have a lack of boundaries or unhealthy boundaries, you start to hold onto other people’s feelings rather than your own. This will fuel anger, stress, anxiety, and resentment. By setting boundaries you start making decisions for yourself and letting people know how you feel.

Before you set boundaries, you need a bit of self-awareness to understand where you are and what you have the bandwidth to deal with. You also need to practice self-care to protect your mental health. If this is something you struggle with, schedule your mental health and do it in pen so it cannot be changed.

Boundary Enforcing

If someone tries to cross your boundary, you need to be firm, but you can be honest too. If someone gets in touch and you don’t have the capacity to give them the attention they need, be honest with you.

It can be as simple as texting to say hey, sorry I missed your call, I’ll get back to you when I can. Or, maybe they’re close enough for you to say hey, I’m having a rough day and need some space to clear my mind and address my own issues.

Some people may take offense, but the more consistent you are with your boundaries, the quicker everyone will realize you mean what you say. At that point, people will stop trying to push you and understand that you’re not being dismissive of them, but simply protecting yourself.

If someone does try to push back, stand firm and do not apologize for drawing your line in the sand. There will always be one person who wants to push you to your limit to see if you will break. You are not accountable for someone else’s reaction, you are only accountable for your own. Do not allow their reaction to break you down and do not give in.

Family can be a challenging prospect for boundary setting because family members often feel more entitled to your time and energy. If it’s family you are dealing with, you may need to take a different tactic. You can dedicate a specific time and day of the week to listen to their rants and ignore them outside of those times (unless it’s a proper emergency, of course).

This doesn’t mean you should ignore your friends in times of need or, make out like every call for support (or just a chat) is an offense to your emotional capacity. It’s more about understanding the toxic element in your life and actively managing it to better your own state of being.

Hope you enjoyed this newsletter! I look forward to producing another one in the Summer!

Mirella

 

 

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